You know you are besties when you can fart and can share your ailing bowel movements. Like how it is with Juju and I.
I knew him when I was put into that hell they called a boarding school, where I was laughed at because I was larger than most (of course) and I mocked because I spoke English (campur-campur also! And not even with American MTV slang OK!) to my mother on the phone and that I do not bother with the kain dalams and chemise because it's too bloody hot.
But that gripe is for another day for another time ye?
Anyway, both Juju and I were in the same English classes - and later, we worked together for the school's English newsletter and we share the same hatred for this other guy in our debate team.
Twenty-one years on, we are still good friends. I don't think we even fought. We argued, sure but never fought.
Anyway, it was during one of our dinners when Juju, looking as if he is in pain and suffering from a bout of really horrible disease, announced that he needs to Fart.
Not just fart. But Fart. The walloping, HUGE, possibly even wet, gross kind.
Alarmed, I shoo-ed him off to the toilets where he can Fart in peace.
He came back, looking pained as ever. He said all he could let go was a measly, tiny "pssstt" type of fart. How disappointing. And frustrating, I imagined.
He shared an anecdote where once he needed to go and rushed to a public toilet at a shopping all to do his deeds and lo and behold, there was a HUGE line waiting for their turn. He said he wasn't sure he needed to apologise for the time he took and the awful lingering smell he left behind. I pity the guy after him.
Anyway, so we were done with dinner and desserts and I told him I needed to go before the long drive home so could he please hold on to the drinks I packed (because I couldn't finish it).
He said OK, but still needs to Fart.
ALAH. OK then hold it high against your head (thankfully, he is a 6 footer) so that your Fart doesn't travel up and contaminate my drink!
(I know, that was sooo clever kan? Teehee).
He gave me the look and shooed me and goes to a quiet corner to Fart.
"REMEMBER! PUT THE DRINK ABOVE YOUR HEAD TINGGI-TINGGI!"
I dont know what the other people thought of us. I didn't care.
I mean, I love him to bits and he's a great friend and all but I'm not about to drink a Fart-infested drink.